Seventh Heaven

Tried on my skinny jeans today. They're expensive by some standards, but now that I'm a grown woman, I buy jeans that fit well and will last and anyway, they make me look put-together...or at least, I think they do, and perception is everything. All my other clothes fit and have for months, thanks to a VI-OH-LENT! stomach virus that I got the week I came home from the hospital after B was born. Major suckage. It was a painful way to lose the weight, but I lost 20 pounds in a week, which only left about 8 pounds that have stuck to me like white on rice. Anyway, they're the last pair of jeans I'd like to fit into, especially now that both knees split on my other favorite pair of jeans (not expensive and not fancy but comfortable...and now raggedy.) And technically, they fit. Technically. But when wearing them I can not:
squat
bend over
breath
dance while doing dishes
form cohesive thoughts
blink
sit
feel anything below my belly button
definitely can't eat milk steak with a side of jelly beans
drive
bend my knees to walk
dial the phone (I still put my iPhone to my ear to hear the ring tone before dialing...anyone else do this? Yeah, didn't think so.)
walk up or down the stairs
drink water
definitely can't sneeze
remodel our bathroom
tie my shoes
the list goes on and on...

So, while my spendy jeans fit, the only place I can realistically wear them is in my closet. Here's hoping that no wheat, dairy, yeast, sugar, caffeine or the occasional glass of wine will result in my rocking my Sevens. And watch out Hudsons, I got my eye on you.