It's only in the morning

Friday, October 9, 2009
Dear Mr. Roof Shingle Installer Man,

I am writing to inform you that at 7 am this morning, when you spent upwards of 15 minutes trying to start your jalopy truck, I was trying to sleep. I am very pregnant and very tired and very restless and all-around very useless. My uselessness is compounded by the lack of sleep I have suffered in the last few days. I only have a few more days to go, and then all hell will break loose. My son, whom you admired yesterday as he rode his scooter past you and waved a big hello, did not sleep through the night (and by through the night, I mean, longer than a three hour stretch) till he was 14 months and 4 days old. I don't know if this baby will wreak the same havoc, but I am trying to save my strength, just in case.

You look like a nice man, and I'm sure you can understand where I am coming from. Now, I understand that you couldn't possibly know that I was sleeping just mere feet away from where your turd on wheels truck was parked and that the thunderous engine that barely powers your crapmobile truck would resonate throughout our entire neighborhood like a jackhammer screwing a diesel engine and cause me to literally jump out of bed in a panic, throw on my robe, yank up my blackout shades and glower up and down our street in a crazed, desperate attempt to locate and halt the attack on my elusive and much-needed slumber. And while I understand that you're doing the best you can with what you've got, for heaven's sake. It's 7 o'clock in the morning. Do you really need to kick-start a dying piece of shit truck this early in the morning? The sun isn't even fully awake, why should I be?

In closing, I would like to ask that if you will be working in our neighborhood in the future, that you refrain from causing such a racket.


p.s. Please disregard the above letter if this was retribution for what happened the other morning. I'm not sure if you saw me or if I was able to close the bathroom shades in time, but I had no idea there was someone on our neighbor's roof. I know that the last thing anyone wants to see is a pregnant woman peeing, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart if I scarred you in any way. If this was your revenge, I have to say...well played, sir. Well played.

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